From Boys To Men

Does a young boy naturally turn into a man? Can you be a 40-year-old boy? What makes a man, a man, and if something causes the forward change, what is it? While the list is much longer than we have time for, there are four key elements that need to exist in order to create an environment where boys will develop into strong, stable, healthy men. If you are a parent, grandparent, or play any role that influences children, I want to ask you to consider how you are cultivating these key elements into the life of young boys. Independence, Ownership, Strength, and Compassion.

Independence - An independent man must have an independent mind. He must have a way of thinking that is aware of his surroundings but not easily swayed by it. He must become someone who can think on his own and stand for what is right even if no one else does. So how does that happen? Boys must be thought to think. Ask them what they think of their actions and how their actions will affect those around them. You will always have the chance to insert any correction that is needed but young boys must be taught to think about what they are doing and to consider what that does to those around them.

Ownership – A man is someone who can make decisions and then accept the outcome, no matter what. Teaching our boys that they should not give excuses, deflect failure onto others, or become defensive, is more important than we will ever know.

Strength – It is ok if a young boy cries because he is in pain or is solemn because of disappointment however, they should not be allowed to whine, cry, or act out due to not getting their way. Today crying is often met with coddling rather than correction. We MUST look past the tears and into the heart. Is he sad or is he manipulating to get his way? We must tell boys, “It's ok to be angry,” or, “It’s ok to be disappointed but it is not ok to act out. Instead of crying or hitting, talk it out and work it out.” Boys need to be stronger than their emotions or they will become men who are controlled by their emotions.

Compassion – The stronger a man is, the more helpful he can be. While physical strength is often thought of, I want to talk about mental and emotional strength for a moment. The strength NOT to become callus when hurt. The strength NOT to make a selfish decision when sacrifice is required. From a young age, start asking boys to identify who seems alone in a room, sad in their appearance, or fearful in their body language. Once they can see it, challenge them to do something about it. Compassion is not just caring. Compassion is care with action.

Simple steps: Boys need to be taught how to shake hands, look people in the eye, order their own food at a restaurant, talk responsibility for their actions, and be able to fall down and scrape their knees from time to time. Let’s help our boys grow into strong, stable, healthy men.